I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
