im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
