Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
