actually, I'm a sock model
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
