I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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