I have demons in me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
