My hand turned me down
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
