ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
