Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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