It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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