3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
