Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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