Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you

Fav 15 1373 797
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(330): View more from Ohio

Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.

Fav 27 1583 6491
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

Fav 13 9123 1338
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(705): View more from Ontario

I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."

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(850): View more from Florida

Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.

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(253): View more from Washington

We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises

(425): View more from Washington

That's not right, is it?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?

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