Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
