You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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