I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
