Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
wow bdsm is so cute
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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