I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
God I need to hump something, right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
