Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
