I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
