dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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