Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
