you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
