Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
