I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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