took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
