my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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