there's paper in my vomit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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