Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
