I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
