College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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