It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
