is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
