the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
