I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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