just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
