Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
