Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
