he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
