I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
