I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
