Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
