I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
