Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
