i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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