dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
