you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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