Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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