people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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