On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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