I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
