out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
